Memory Revisited

Back in 2004, I joined this programme called TRYLA which stands for Tun Razak Youth Leadersip Awards under MIM. Back then, the 1 Malaysia concept is not yet implemented but the participants were from various races and yes..we had fun and it worked well.

Teringat ni because one of the participant ada video part of the programme masa di TLDM..one of the leadership module ni tak sah if takde modul ketahanan diri. I and Yanti were the only askar in the group so that part memang dah alah bisa tegal biasa...but memang seronok bila kita joined with others yg tak pernah ada latihan ketenteraan..penerimaan nya macam-macam. Those who joined ni ada yg sudah bekerja, masih belajar or masih mencari pekerjaan..but all in all we ha fun. Insyaallah if ada gathering nanti I'll post the pictures and you could see how we overcome the differences to be together..anyway, kudus to Shah for the video and also the picture with Najib.

Yesterday was Adam's first experience being a kindy student. Class officially will start on 5th Jan 11 but yesterday I registered him, bought uniform and bayar yuran. Since I probably will be away from Feb until May, Adam too will have a long break from Feb tu. The teacher said it will be a waste (buang duit la lebih kurang) to let him start by Jan and continue paying for school fees eventhough he is on leave. She suggested I send Adam for second term class. After lengthy discussion, she agreed to let Adam sit for a trial school session for Jan but Adam will be given photocopy version of the school material. I am grateful for even a sit in the class session as long as he is given an opportunity to go to school for next month/next year. He is soooo looking forward to go to school and remind me so often to alter his school uniform. The thing is, he is tall so 'S' size uniform tak fit..'M' size pula seluar agak panjang so I have to alter sedikit. But then, cerewetnye dia with his uniform...when I said I nak basuh dulu, siap pesan jangan berus kuat-kuat nanti koyak..hahaha..like la mommynye memberus baju kuat sangat. Pagi tadi dah tanya bila I nak lipat kaki seluarnya. Nak rasa annoy pun iye juga but mostly I'm amuse dengan kerenah Adam.

Since balik dari kindy, baru nampak rajin sikit nak belek buku, play with the alphabetical map yg I beli dah berkurun simpan, yang selama ni dia main buat construction building sahaja. Baru start tengok coloring book yg ada alphabets tu. Sebelum ni, bila start ajar je ABC or 123, rasanya adalah sampai halfway je..then mula la complaint macam-macam...penat la, dahaga la, sakit leher la..sooo original. But sometimes, out of blue dia akan nyanyi ABC..sampai Z..haha..so cara Adam belajar is through listening and watching..bukan reading...typical la. Mommy kena polish Writing and Reading Skills la nampaknya..Speaking so far takde masalah..masalah nak ajar dia letak full stop aje sekarang ni..haha.

That's Mohamad Adam Muqriz's progress who is 3 years 8 months and 19 days today.

: Done shopping for Adam (School bag, shoes, socks, stationaries-although the kindy will provide it but he insisted on something he pilih sendiri..hailah).

: Done bills payment..hopping in the afternoon glaring heat to pay all the bills..fuhhhh.

: Not yet is hair cut for Adam...he badly needs it.

:Despair..over driving back to KL...expecting MASSIVE Traffic Jam..huhuhuhu...

Conclusion: Very, very hectic, tiring and so not relaxing weekend.

Boss (not the one yg I selalu mention..I have several bosses kan..) said to me through phone: Are you ready?

My standard answer (being the askar): Yes Sir although it is not confirm yet..but I'm ready...(padahal apa yg readynye? Kain baju? Kerja berlambak tahun depan if ikut takwim? Adam yg nak kena tinggal again? mental? fizikal?)

Boss: Good, kira confirm la ni..apa yg tak confirm pula?so please settle the documentation with the **** on Jan okay...I take it you have no problem?

I: Noted that sir...I have no problem with that plan (but dalam hati dan kepala ni dah start plan camane nak susun all the work).

Call me pathetic but that's how I was trained...never say No unless I already try it and can't do it anymore. Sometimes makan diri sendiri la...conflict of interest.

I talked to mak Aji..talked to hubby and though I got their blessing...hanya satu sahaja yg buat saya rasa berat hati. Tapi yelah..both hubby and Mak Aji said ini rezeki and dugaan yg datang sekaligus...dalam Allah beri rezeki, Dia juga uji saya dengan cabaran berjauhan dengan anak kesayangan saya.

Owh...sungguh fikiran saya sedang sibuk berperang dengan macam-macam perkara...

p.s Hubby, saya upload gambar photoshoot dengan gambar di Genting in my next entry okay ye?

Towards the year end ni kan...sebolehnya dan idealnya..dapat bercuti dengan keluarga, bersantai dan menggembirakan hati dan hati anak...more bonding time dengan anak yg terbiar dek kesibukan mencari rezeki. Berehat dan recharge untuk tahun depan yg masih panjang...haha..angan-angan jelah yg boleh kan.

Adam dah la kena tinggal dikampung..susahkan my parents pula nak menjaga dia. Memanglah dia dah besar dan penjagaan lebih mudah tapi hati rasa kurang gembira. Time sekarang la ibu ayah nak dapat peluang dating..tapi bila ada cucu ni..ehmm...susahlah.Ibu nak ke masjid dan mengaji agama pun susah.

Hailah hati...hanya Allah dan diri sendiri aje yg tahu beban yg ditanggung. Outstation yg bersusun dan satu lagi dugaan yg bakal mendatang datangnya Februari. Jika orang bertanya bagaimana saya nak lalui...terus terang, saya belum fikirkan..sebabnya, perkara belum pasti jadi saya tak mahu bebankan kepala saya dengan masalah yg belum tentu tu. But sometimes during wee hour I woke up from my slumber..yes, saya ada fikirkan dan saya tak pasti samada saya cukup kuat untuk lakukannya...but Allah takkan menguji saya sekiranya saya belum bersedia kan?

On a different note, saya sedang kebosanan di Melaka..huhu...tapi malam ni saya nak tidur awal dan recharge for tomorrow meeting.

Random during break

Absence rend le cœur pousse fondr

mais mon coeur pleure

du vide et la douleur

Je m'ennuie de toi mon amour

I have a lot to say of lots of things that happen. But saya kena prioritize kerja..itu kan azam saya masa awal tahun..hingga hujung tahun pun masih belum pandai. Sekarang ni masih lagi belajar. So for dua hari (semalam dan hari ni), priority saya untuk kerja-kerja terjemahan laman sesawang Rejimen Askar Melayu Diraja. Terpaksa la simpan dan jerukkan cerita yg ada..in which akan ingat-ingat lupa la nanti. Apa nak buat...kerja saya sepenuh masa bukan penulis blog kan?hahaha.. I'll be away for awhile...hingga perkara penting telah dilaksanakan dengan jayanya. Insyaallah.

Dedicated to daddy (requested by Adam to show off his talent) yang missing his anak teruna. Tok nye kata tak payah beli mainan dah next time because Adam could use other toys to make a car port and workshop (binaan dari kerusi, cap dan yg lain-lain tu) menurut description dari Adam when asked.

Harini pula sedang mengasah bakat colouring pula...habis dikerjakan craft book tu dengan contengan yg berbentuk bulat-bulat. I will post the pictures of his work later for daddy okay. But one thing for sure..before he starts with his work..tak kira messy macamana pun..dia akan susun dulu colour pencils..haha..habit mommy yg jadi ikutan. Well done Adam..we'll work out your other talents lagi nanti okay.

:SALAM MAAL HIJRAH 1430:

Jangan lupa doa akhir dan awal tahun. Selamat menyambut tahun baru dan beroleh keberkatan dalam hidup seharian dengan azam yang dirahmati.

p.s Thank you hubby dearest for the wish. Insyaallah I will try harder to become a good wife and best friend to you.

p.s.s Gambar tak boleh upload..dunno what's the problem. Memadailah dengan ucapan rasanya.

Weekend was spent memenuhi hajat Mak Aji dan Adik. We went to Jalan TAR and SOGO for Mak Aji's shopping craving. SOGO memang tengah sale. As usual la handbag yg menjadi pilihan Mak Aji. I would like to shop also (MAC memanggil melambai je) but mengenangkan big plan coming soon...simpan jelah duit.

Jalan TAR macam biasa la penuh dengan manusia. If it is me, memang takkan kesana la if takde urusan yg betul-betul penting. Adam was cranky sebab letih berjalan katanya.

Next week I'm free from outstation and sangat lega rasanya to be able to be at home but week after that, memang tak berada di rumah la sampai tahun depan (bunyinye macam lama je).

2010 dah hampir dipenghujung...tahun yg penuh dugaan, cabaran dan kehilangan. Dua tahun berturut we had been tested dengan kehilangan..and next year hubby akan pulang kepangkuan kami berdua.

Mak Aji dah nak balik minggu depan..which mean Adam juga akan ikut sebab I will have to go for another series of outstation. Sunyi sepi semula la rumah ni.

This is a post event which baru sekarang I have a chance to write about.I had a week (more or less) seminar at PD starting tuesday (last tuesday). Since I got a room for one, I planned to angkut Adam and of course Mak Aji to accompany me. Because he was like..."Adam nak duduk hotel mommmyyyyyyy.." sampai bingit telingaku. So I told Mak Aji that I will go and see how the hotel first because honestly..for my duration of 2 years tinggal disitu, I would say that hotel would not be in my list of hotel to stay. Adding to the bad review I got from the other visitors, I'm not that keen nak bawa Adam but yelah, sometimes ada hotel yg values respond from the visitor and try to upgrade their services kan.

Since I went there just in time to sit for the morning session, tak sempat la nk masuk bilik lagi..but I went to the loo and of course..once glance dah tau camane. Masa lunch break, I masuk bilik and the first thing that greeted me was a very unpleasant smell of wet carpet and dusty carpet..yuck yuck. Even when I opened the window pun tak dapat nak hilang the smell.

Itu satu hal la..at night pula lain ceritanya..jeng jeng jeng...since my room was at the farthest end and there was no occupant beside my room (I know sebab the balcony light was off and takde dengar suara orang bercakap), supposedly sunyi sepi la kan...tapi the night was very noisy sampailah I told the 'noise' to keep it low sebab saya letih and I need my sleep.

Patutlah Mak Aji ada tanya saya boleh tidur ke tidak masa 2nd night tu..haha..second night was peaceful sebab bilik sebelah dah ada orang and I pasang the quran recitation all night long.

I guess hotel semua fully booked so that hotel was probably the last choice. I have another meetings coming on soon..tapi Mak Aji nak balik kampung dah sebab ada kenduri (and she misses Pak Aji la our guess..hehehe).

This boy's hair is a bit long but mommy like it very much so mommy will get it trim to the minimum..haha.. Although ada makcik yg tanya, ni lelaki ke perempuan? Aduhai..if anak I ni perempuan..tak ke dia pakai skirt? Mommy dia ni sikit punya teringin le tengok all the blouses and skirts and all the girl things... "Dia tak rimas ke rambut panjang ni?" Of course la rimas makcik tapi mommy dia still has a say in his hair style so selagi ada hak ni mommy dia nak gunakan sepenuhnya la..haha..tapi susah nak jaga la..kena extra care..kalah mommy punya hair care..start schooling sure kena korbankan ni..huhuhuhu..

Why Do I Love School Hol?

I'm not a teacher but I still love school holiday. Because we could kidnap mak aji without second thought...pak aji sekarang sibuk dengan business dia so jarang amat ada di rumah. We all yg kesian kat mak aji yg kebosanan ni ambil la peluang. If hari bersekolah susah la sebab adik kecil masih bersekolah...walaupun kitaorang dah hasut suruh dia stay di asrama je (senang nk kidnap mak aji dan pak aji bila-bila masa) tapi being the youngest..tak payah harap la.

And then, traffic is sooooooo light I feel like singing when driving. Walaupun masa ke pejabat traffic memang sedia tak sibuk, tapi masa balik tu la yg sesak dan senak. If I go back on time (meaning when the clock strike 5 pm), traffic boleh la tahan lagi but if it is later than that..better la jadi penunggu kat pejabat tu until after maghrib. Sesak dengan orang balik dari office, students college yg baru habis kelas..budak-budak sekolah yg blik sekolah dan parents budak-budak yg parking tepi jalan nak ambil anak masing-masing.

Lagi, parking kat area my house is soooooo banyak yg kosong I could choose yg paling dekat dan paling best. My parking yg ada bumbung ada satu je tapi keta tuan rumah ada 3..camane? Rasa nak jual je lagi 2 tu. Ni bukan masalah I sorang je but masalah bersama kat sini..tapi masa cuti sekolah ni banyak yg kosong sebab orang pergi bercuti.

Banyak betul sale..lagi-lagi nak Christmas ni kan..haha..tapi bila mengenangkan outstation yg bersusun ni..huhu..lupakan jelah hajat tu. Shopping kasut dan beg sekolah Adam jelah bulan depan.

Mode: Beginning of flu and fever like symtoms.

But masih unable to sleep. Not because of the cups of coffee I minum di pejabat tadi but because masih mencari idea to write. Bukan for the blog but for the pidato. No, no I'm not the one yg akan make the speech. Only prepare it for someone..sebab I asked for his favor..to do it in favor of me..makanya saya tolong la dia..although I'm not feeling well at all.

Adam demam after my mom demam..and thanks to Raya and long holiday and school holiday..all clinics were closed during weekend. Lastly Columbia juga yg open.. Adam ada a bit infection kat throat and mom got tonsilitis..which confirmed my suspicion bila dia susah nak swallow makanan. Nasib baik pergi awal ke hospital sebelum it swell lagi teruk.

Balik ke KL dengan jam yg takde punca from Changkat Jering's toll. Badan penat and sampai pun late at night.

Pagi tadi went to office, banyak betul pressing matters. Which make me rasa serabut sangat sebab semuanya nak cepat dan segera. Dengan problems staff dan problem sendiri..banyak betul nak difikirkan at one time.

Balik je rumah after bath dah start rasa nak demam...hopefully this is nothing..sebab saya nak cuti dan saya sangat susah nak dapat bercuti..and I have series of outstation selepas cuti.

p.s Hubby..I bukan kurang kasih sayang as I said tapi sebenarnya I tak sihat dan I miss you..hehe.

I and Adam celebrate the Eidul Adha at my camp. He slept very early last night since I told him that he has to be ready very early in the morning if he want to follow me. Saya pun tak sanggup nak hantar dia to his sitter walaupun akak tu bersungguh suruh hantar dia since dia pun keseorangan di Hari Raya. Susah macamana pun I bawa juga sikecil ni. Dari dulu lagi dia sangat suka if dibawa to my office. While waiting for makan-makan, we lepak la at my office.

Cadangannya nak terus balik ke rumah mertua and then ke Putrajaya. Tapi plan satu pun tak menjadi. Anak teruna I bila dah mengantuk dan panas..dia nak balik rumah mandi dan tidur aje. Sempat la I did my laundry and kemas-kemas rumah sementara dia tidur. And yes, we do miss daddy so much. We are lucky sebab we still could see daddy next year...alhamdulillah.

So, SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI RAYA QURBAN FOR ALL.

Influenced by imitation..I guess macamni le bila takde lelaki dalam rumah. Tu dia kidnap my cucumber tempel kat pipi dia. But I told him, his cheek dah chumel..licin berkilat..tak perlu letak cucumber dah..hahaha. But you know la budak kecik ni..lagi kita larang..lagi le bersungguh dia nak juga. Jangan sampai minta make up pula sudah..but so far he know la that make up for ladies..like mommy and ateh..daddy and Adam tak pakai make up..only perfume..hahaha..

Picture of the drummer adalah request dari daddy. Since I said NO to a guitar..dia sampai mengigau nakkan drum. Sanggup korbankan set Chuggington demi drum itu..so, everytime dia ada di rumah..itulah keje dia..jamming dengan drum set.

So daddy, enjoy the pictures..

Of late, so many things happened and almost in tandem...which left me at the mercy of fate and luck. Since I'm the one who have to make the decision, think of ways to solve the problem and also the one who have to face all the consequences...I have lots on my plate right now. Being a very much normal human being... I do feel so tense and up to the point of depression. The obvious sign are the nagging backache and headache. Yesterday I thought retail therapy will do me good especially when hubby paid for it but how wrong I could be...and ignorance enough to think that buying clothes..no matter how expensive it is could cure my restlesness. Sure enough it provided a good adrenalin rush pumped through my system but it didn't last long enough for me to feel calm, rilex and collected to face the challange.

I don't know what else will be good for me except from praying, reading Al-Quran and recite the selawat every time I feel I'm at the lowest pit. So I (again) got these set from Dr Zaza...after lepak-ed at her clinic this evening...went back and nearly dozed off in the tub while Adam was watching Mr Bean (again). Can't find time for a spa treatment so I did it myself at home. Hopefully i will be able to sleep like a baby tonight without nightmares and hopefully Adam will not wake up (again) in the wee hour demanding foot rub..I only could hope.

p.s Anyone interested with VS product with discount of course, could contact me.

Susah betul hati..gundah gulana jadinya. Resah...rasa berat je perasaan. Pesan sidia jika hati resah banyakkan baca Al-Quran, solat sunat. Saya tahu semua tu dan saya buat. Tapi adakalanya hati resah ni tak nak mengalah. Bukan saya tak biasa ditinggal-tinggalkan tapi ada certain time...saya perlukan someone to comfort...offer me a warm hug after a long hard day at work after kena maki hamun segala. Sometimes Adam also could be a challenge for me..ada masa dia punya keinginan..dan kenakalan as a kid. Sometimes when I'm too tired and emotionally drained..I feel so down and frustrated dengan kenakalannya. Dia dah besar..saya tidak boleh lagi memarahinya seperti yg saya buat sebelum ni. Tapi ada masanya saya terlalu penat untuk berdiplomasi.

Saya senang hati bila sidia kini bertugas ditempat baru...tidak lagi akan keluar membuat patrolling setiap hari...tapi masa untuk berbual (ber ym) sudah terhad dengan beza waktu 7 jam. Dikala saya sudah melelapkan mata..dia baru habis waktu kerja. If dulu selepas patrolling dah boleh online..tapi sekarang..masa semakin terhad. Saya rindu teman lawan bicara saya, saya rindu my devil advocate, saya rindu logik diayg sometimes buatkan saya geram dan saya rindu segala-galanya tentang teman hidup saya itu.

p.s. saya sedang emo sebab apa tah..

Still fuming because he didn't get the loop set in which I told him to be grateful..not all kids get what they want.

Amazingly this is my first entry in November. Sad but true..I've neglected my 'story book' for awhile. Worry not..I'm still alive and bouncing here and there..as usual working my ass off. I have around 3 events (until now) before the year end...fuh! Hopefully Dec will be kinder to us. Which left me with Adam's registration unregister YET!! Yes, yes I will do it soon and Yes again I will register him definitely (Thereby hoping my mom will come here soon).

Of late, he has been nagging me (unmercifully to my ears every waking hours) to get him a guitar...owh yes..you do read fine..your eyes do not betray you..Adam is asking for a GUITAR. I don't know where he gets the idea of wanting to play guitar (Mr Bean cds did not have any of this, I checked one by one last night) but he expressed his intention quite effectively by showing the act of strumming it...pengsan. The other day at Toys' R Us..he saw a drum set and he wailed (very loudly) for it and I said no..very firmly and he settled for the Chuggington's repair station set, which was the initial intention of going there. Actually, he wanted the loop set but the said set was not available at IKANO and I have to brave the crowd and the horror of traffic to go all the way to Mid Valley for it...so I told him..if he could settle for the repair station, I will buy it..otherwise he'll have to go home empty handed..and of course the smart guy will agree..hehe.

And while touring the outdoor toys section, he was distracted by the swing and slide thing which costs thousand and of course..mommy is more willing to invest the thousand for that for Adam's education fund..sorry dear..of course you couldn't get your heart desire all the time.

And last night..we discussed about circumcision...haha..I guess daddy was pretty shocked when I told him Adam said he didn't want to be circumcisioned because it will cut off his birdie and it will cause him pain. I know he is 3 years 6 months 29 days old but I also don't know where he picked it up when the only grown up he is with are us ( I and my sis) and of course we do not discuss about that matter at all. I'm hoping (really hope)..the wet dream bit will come after daddy is around...I'm not sure how to discuss these things...cause for me Adam is still a baby..in my heart..he is the little boy. When did he grow up to talk about those things eh?

My broad shoulder to cry on..my sounding board..my pillow of comfort and steel of strength. My little angel and my little muse...mommy miss you both so much. It really hurts to be apart and tearing my soul to pieces during hard times like now. I wish my courage and strength will be helping me to go through this trying period. I love you both and I'm doing this for us..not for me alone.

Hoping to be together again...although it's like ages away :(

Do You Need A Hug?

Incik Hubby jgn sedih ye bila melihat gambar-gambar kami bersuka ria di Bukit Merah Water Park ni. Walaupun you kata Taiping akan hujan..sangkaan you meleset la sayang...yup, it did rain tapi kami decided untuk mandi-manda diwaktu pagi dimana Adam selepas itu tidur sehingga jam 8 malam kerana keletihan bermain air. Bangun pun sebab dia kata dia belum mandi and nak tengok kartun..hahaha..ada pula. tapi kembali tidur jam 10 malam. In which mommy drove back with a cramp leg (right leg yg selamanya tak okay since hari Adam lahir tu), sakit gigi yg amat sangat dan yg telah membuatkan mommy drove the car macam dilitar F1 sebab nak cepat sampai rumah. Yang juga membuatkan driver lain (lelaki) marah dengan mommy sebab mereka tak berjaya memotong kereta mommy. Sesungguhnya mommy penat, sakit gigi dan mengalami kejang kaki dan hanya berniat nak sampai cepat dirumah bukan nak tunjuk skil pemanduan yg dah sampai tahap F1 driver (Ain disebelah memegang erat tempat arm rest sebab kecut perut..hehehe).Ada banyak lagi gambar Adam bermain air dan enjoyed himself...bila rajin mommy upload okay. But the smile and happiness radiated from him beat all...walaupun Incik Hubby risau dan agak la 'bebel' tentang I penat dan keletihan nak drive balik...Adam's happiness is all that matter to me the most. Enjoy the pictures and the smile daddy!!

Am I Pregnant?

Content takde kena mengena dengan title tapi ceritanya lebih kurang about this issue la. Not really sure if the word "issue' is the right word tapi tulah jadinya..

Saya rasa saya ni type yg susah nak terasa la...dalam erti kata lain, saya selamba je if orang me- 'laser' ngan saya...sebab saya ambil pendekatan..if tak layan, taklah kemana laser tu kan? Most of the time saya diam dan saya senyum walaupun ada kala pendapat org yg bersuara tak sama dengan pendapat saya...tapi setiap orang berhak atas pendapat masing-masing kan? Lain la if orang tersebut minta pendapat saya...itu pun saya tak boleh claim yg pendapat dia tak betul..

Satu je hal yg buat hati saya mengecik dengan serta merta...bila orang bertanya kenapa tak mau tambah anak...saya tak kisah sangat if yg bertanya tu kawan rapat, yg tahu susah senang saya..dan bertanya kerana ambil berat..tapi bila yang bertanya bersungguh-sungguh macam menjaga tepi seluar saya...hmmm...saya memang rasa sket menyampah. Bila ditanya, saya jawablah belum ada rezeki lagi...Insyaallah if Allah nk bagi, ada la nanti...tau apa orang yg bertanya tu cakap? "Eh awak..sekarang ni bukan zaman nak berserah pada rezeki aje..zaman ni kita kena usaha keras..baru la dapat.." Masyaallah..tersentap saya mendengar. Takkan la kita nak menidakkan kuasa Ilahi? Memanglah saya berusaha tapi if bukan rezeki saya lagi, siapa saya nak persoalkan?

Saya tak tertekan pun selama ni dengan pertanyaan orang..yelah, yg tak tahu mesti bertanya..tapi bila dah tahu..jgn la persoalkan sampai begitu sekali...jika awak yang bertanya tu berada ditempat saya? Apa agaknya yg awak akan rasa? Fikir dulu sebelum bercakap..bukan bercakap dulu baru nak berfikir.

Who Am I On The Inside?

It's like having someone live inside me all right..haha..but kindda fun to do it...maybe I'm a superhero? (secretly)..

Okay..the first question is.. what is your favorite color?ehmmm..since my shirts and blouses (except for baju kurung) and pants are mostly in black..should I say black is my fave color? But I like blue, pink and brownish colors too? tapi kena choose one only..hmmm...crisis..

Okay..next question is, what would you do if you saw a younger kid getting picked on in a nearby playground? Haish..of course la I will beat the others to death...hehehe..kidding la..tak pasal la kan..I guess, this one sangat senang..of course we will not just ignore that kind of situation to hapen kan? Imagine if the younger kid is your own kid?hmmm...

Third question is, how do your friends describe you? Owh...pondering away...this one means I have to do another quiz of how my friends describe me la kan? Hehehe...it depends on what type of friends la juga..If it is a close friend, jawapannya maybe different from a social friends and friends yg I tak pernah jumpa (fellow bloggers and so on).Susah ni..

Next is, how would you describe yourself?...hahaha...I am a nice, good hearted, kind, beautiful, smart and brilliant...how's that?hehehe...sangat poyo ye? But I can choose only one and there are so many words I could use to describe myself..

Okay, move on to, What do you do for fun? I guess nowadays standard answer will be spending time with my family..going out with close friends and do things I love (When I have time la).

Last question: A huge midterm project that you forgot about is due tomorrow. You: Hahaha...ni tiap sem akan dihadapi ni...a last minute kind of person yang work best under pressure and trive in stressful situation..that's me..so boleh agak la my answer kan?hehehe... then, let's look at the analysed answer..jeng jeng jeng...

Jock
You love sports and tend to have a ball with you. Sometimes you can be forgetful if you have tons of practice. Just try to focus on school as you do on sports and you'll go far.

(tahan ketawa)...I don't want to be a JOCK...it is so lame and average kind of person....huhuhu...I want to be a superwoman..who can do lots of thing at one time...huhuhuhu...

p.s quiz taken from http://quizilla.teennick.com

When I look at these pictures (Adam masih di kampung with my parents), I do regret of the time yg I rugi being away from him...the precious minutes and hours of his daily routines...

Selesai mesyuarat, ada task terbaru yang perlu cawangan I handle. Nak mengeluh penat rasanya boleh la kut dengan aktiviti yg tak putus dari awal bulan. My weekend is almost non exist dengan keadaan sekarang. Walaupun ramai yg kata at least hubby saya is not around so kurang la masalah..sebenarnya tidak. Hati sikecil juga perlu dijaga. Tambah dalam tempoh nk membesar ni..makin kurang perhatian dari I...daddy of course la is away. Saya cuba untuk positif..menerima sebagai tanggungjawab 'makan gaji' dan 'askar berkhidmat regardless in what weather or terrain'. Tapi beban tanggungjawab saya sebagai mommy dan daddy ni siapa pernah ambil tahu? Anak saya terbiar kerana melaksana tugas dan tuntutan kerja....therefore, keputusan saya nak berhenti rasanya adalah paling tepat. Before terjadi perkara yg boleh menyebabkan saya menyalahkan perkhidmatan...lebih baik saya undur diri. Lets those who are strong enough to face it teruskan usaha...saya boleh kuatkan hati untuk diri sendiri tapi untuk anak..saya tak sanggup. Saya tak nak kehilangan senyum di bibir anak saya..

Am I Normal Enough To Be Me?

Are you normal? (ah well..I don't have tail sprouting from my rear end kan?..haha)But lets analyse the answer okay..

...Somewhat Abnormal (weeeeewooo...apakah?)

You do some things that are odd in the eyes of others, (ehm yeah..sometimes..admitedly yes and people will label me straight away as somewhat..pelik??) but nothing crazy, (definitely yes..normality is a bore don't you think?)and only if you enjoy it (Kita enjoyyyy..mestilah kan..what fun there is..). You spend your days doing what you love, although you could end up having a headache by the end of it.(Like what yeah??hmm...owh..ahah..) Whenever you try something new, you make sure it will stick, so that you can do it again whenever you want. (To sum it all, I'm not that absurdly pelik and abnormal la kan..hehehe...)

How Social Are you? (Even before doing it I know the answer...)

Lone Wolf
You totally love your personal space, and you prefer to have your alone time set to overdrive. You sometimes feel a bit lonely; but you get used to it. You should get some more friends, and open up a bit. Your so tense all the time and nobody likes to be around you. Open up, become the person you truly are! :)

Well, the answer almost hit home but I am not tense all the time (just ask my close friends) and they like (I guess since they still invite me for gatherings and events) to be around me. But yes, I do value my personal space...nobody get too close and I only open up to certain selected fews. Tapi ramai je yg macam tu kan?hehehe..

Okay..that's all for today's quiz...nak release beban kepala yg berat sebenarnya ni..hehehe..

Owh..the quizzes were taken from http://quizilla.teennick.com

My Little Chatter Is Away

I'm missing my little muse, my bouncing, energetic little chatter already. Between heavy schedule and fighting with flu and cough..I managed to send Adam back to his Tok's house. He had been nagging me for weeks to go back to my parents' house but I am a bit tied up with few (huhu..if only few could be the right choice of word la..) commitments over here, therefore could only promise nothing until yesterday. He..as usual is very happy to be pampered and been given full attention by my parents..sigh, sigh..nampak sangat kurang kasih sayang mommy la tu.

The actual reason will be saya outstation for a week at Putrajaya covering the Putrajaya Forum. Since takde bibik nak saya heret untuk jaga Adam while I'm working..terpaksa la saya post dia ke kampung lagi. In which dia sangat la suka terlompat-lompat.

When I come back to the empty house..aduh..jiwa kacau...selalunya ada je comment or soalan cepu emas dari anak bujang sorang tu but when it is so quiet..rasa incomplete pula. Although I'm the type yg prefer quiet and tranquil nye suasana, bila takde suara anak..sunyi!!

Memang la if selagi boleh, I would prefer to have Adam berkepit with me anywhere and everywhere...mommy mana yg tak nak camtu kan? Mommy mana yg nak tinggalkan anak..hatta tinggalkan dengan atuk neneknya sendiri kan? Tapi Adam dah biasa macamtu since I habis pantang and started working...and of course, he is a little bit different from kids yg tak pernah berenggang from their parents. Macam mana beza tu let it be la kan...but one thing for sure..dia mudah faham when I cannot bawa dia sama...I only have to tell him. No crying or tantrum...alhamdulillah. Hakikat yg saya tak boleh tipu ialah saya rasa sedih every time saya terpaksa tinggalkan Adam...cumanya saya kuatkan hati..saya mencari rezeki untuk dia.

p.s.Daddy, mata adam dah okay..luka dh sembuh..just lebam mata belum hilang..mommy gurau dengan Adam tanya apa brand eye shadow dia coz long lasting..hahaha..jahat ye mommy ni..gurau gurau bawa bahagia kan?

GROWING PAINS

When I received a phone call saying Adam injured himself by hitting a table..I was all shaken. Masya Allah..ujian apa lagi kali ni. Tarik nafas panjang-panjang and selawat, I drove back to see him. Sepanjang jalan, berdoa tak putus minta la cederanya tak serious...and trying to calm myself and drive safely Upon seeing me, terus menangis teresak-esak. I terus tested his vision an his eyes movement and tengok under the swollen lid tu takut terkena the iris and the eye ball..takut sangat...tangan saya menggeletar pegang dia dengan darah yg kept oozing out from the cut. Bila tengok dia okay and takde sign of cut dalam mata, I calmed him down and went back to office. Minggu ni saya sibuk dengan persiapan perangkaan untuk Ujian Kemahiran Menembak. Hati resah hanya Allah yg tahu...sebaik habis kerja, saya terus balik and bawa Adam to hospital. Alhamdulillah Dr said it is only external cut and no other injuries but should keep him under close observation for any sign of internal injury like vomitting, shaking and the eye ball becoming redder. So far pagi tadi nampak better..just the swollen lid dah jadi a bit bluish.

These pictures were taken before I drove him to hospital...sebab I said nak hantar gambar pada daddy, dia cooperated. Otherwise he refused flatly. I really hope Adam will get better and it is just a minor cut on the lid. I can't deal with the pressure...balik je, terus broke down in the toilet..crying my worry out. I can't let Adam see me crying, least he'll feel more sad and upset. Yeah, when you are alone..you gotta put a brave facade in front of people (maybe not necessarily) especially the kids most of the time. Though I am upset sometimes..I never cry in front of Adam. But I do talk to him and share with him of our situation so that he'll know of responsibilities.

p.s: Daddy, don't panic..we are good and okay. Insyaallah we'll go through this just fine. Only pray with us okay.

Ada banyak perkara yg buat saya rasa down but let's not talk about it...last minute before hubby balik ke Congo, sempat dia bawa I and Adam ke Aquaria KLCC. The trip was ad-hoc sebenarnya and I come to think, bila buat plan last minute sure jadi..but bila plan beria berbulan-bulan..tak menjadi pulanye.So next time jangan buat plan awal-awal la..hehe...

So, we went there and enjoyed the whole thing and we even get to see feeding session for the fishes. If you all nk tengok feeding session ni, you have to go on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday..around 2.30-3.00 pm. Masa we all went there ada few school trips so a bit crowded...but after awhile..when the crowd thinned out..it was good to slowly walk and admiring such wonderful creatures. Nak cerita banyak dah malas..so layan gambar..ada lagi dalam kamera but sangat malas (read takde masa) nak trasfer..will do later.

Adam asyik melihat diver yg memberi makan ikan jenis Arapaima. Seriously sangat besar sebab baka Amazon.

Beautiful butterflies..tapi Adam sangat geli geleman bila sampai di section insects ni..haha.

Daddy and Adam.. I love you both so much.

From Far far away mind

Been awhile since the last post. However, I do keep my FB updated. Just to find the mood to write is a bit hard. Owh, I could ramble and babble bout few things but my mind seem to be blocked (another case of block-a-blog-syndrome due to excessive consumption of Raya delicacies). I'm in my last straw of Raya holiday (sadly it does not last forever) and after few consideration, alteration, cancellation..we are still at my parents' house. I spent 2 days of Hari Raya with husband and In Laws. Of course touring all (maybe not all..just an exaggeration from my part..haha) relatives from hubby's side. Then, we drove back to Taiping for a short break before we continued the journey to Kedah. We spent 2 days at Alor Setar and although I still didn't get the chance to eat the so sedap bihun sup at Hutan Kampung nor Laksa Teluk Kechai, we got to eat the most fab BBQ. Of course, been kipased by hubby but marinated by Makcik Nurul, it were from our own dapur la kan. But we (hubby and I collaborated) cooked pasta and spag bol for breakfast hokay...and superbly licked and finished in a record time (kan kan kan hubby?).

The remaining days are spent at Taiping...lazying and recuperating (hubby demam so we HAVE TO cancell the sooo awaited trips..hukhukhuk). Takpe, as I said to hubby, the happiness of holidaying is not that much compared to the happiness of seeing him back to good health. We could still go next time he comes back for holiday (April nun..hehe)..and he could give the money intended for the holidaying to me to use (HAHAHA). Taiping is as usual..raining here and there so the laziness is soooo engulfing me (malas nak back to work).

Raya pictures are still in my Nikon and still rasa lazyyyyzzzzzz to upload. I'll just share few pics from my sisters hp la ye. And since dari HP maka quality agak malap sket (Sorry Awa..hehehe).

Maybe not too late for me and family to wish all muslims, family and friends, Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri. We ask for forgiveness for any wrong doing and any mistake we intentionally and unintentionally made. May your forgiveness will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu Wataala.

Bizarre ramblings to cure my homesickness

Hari minggu lepas I balik Klang with Adam. Banyak betul persoalan dia sebelum dia terlelap. Itu pun masih boleh cakap, "Eh, Adam tertidur la pula mommy". Although dia tahu we were going back to umah atuk..still ayat fave dia sejak 2 minggu ni popped up lagi. "Kita nak pergi airport amek daddy eh mommy?". Belum lagi sayang weh. Daddy sampai hari selasa, Insyaallah. So, ulang la procedure kira jari.

Hari hubby sampai I rasa nak bawa camera la..so I boleh share camane gaya Adam jumpa daddy..hehehe.

Yang kureng sket, tekak dah start perit dari semalam. Since 'cuti' puasa (huh..jenuh la nak membayornye nanti) maka bergelen air mineral I minum. Kat pejabat tinggal I je (anak buah sorang duty harini) so every 5 mins minum air so that badan always hydrate dan supaya tak demam la harapnya.

Insyaallah awal pagi ni (around jam 12 tengahari waktu Malaysia), Hubby bertolak dari Airport di Kinshasha. Connecting flight di Dubai and terus ke KLIA. If takde delay or apa-apa aral, we'll meet at the airport tomorrow evening.

Semalam I tinggalkan Adam di Klang. Beramai dengan cousins dia. Berat juga hati nak tinggal tapi kesiankan atuk nenek yg lama tak jumpa dia so I kuatkan semangat drive balik sorang malam tadi. Malam tadi memang susah la nk lelap mata. Memang bila Adam takde, I susah la nk tidur (mengada ye).

Jalan raya dah start lengang sket walaupun masih lagi banyak kereta (ehmm..betulkah ayat nih?) yelah, if tak beratur panjang tunggu traffic light kira dah kurang la jumlah kereta kan? So, I guess ramai yg dah memulakan perjalanan balik kampung. Kisah my Ibu kat rumah pula, tengah feeling feeling sebabnya anak-anak dia yg ramai semuanya balik malam raya. Tolak I la sebab turn rumah mentua tahun ni. Tinggal adik bongsu kitaorang je yg nk tolong mengemas rumah (itupun if dia tolong la). Lagi sedih dia sebab the only cucu yg ada pun cuma akan balik raya ketiga. Ayah lagi lawak..boleh lupa (atau buat-buat lupa ayah ni?hehehe) yg anak sulungnye dan cucu tunggalnye (so far) tak balik beraya di kampung tahun ni.

Sedih juga le tak dapat sambut raya pertama dengan parents dan adik beradik sendiri tapi kena adil dalam berkongsi kasih...mak mentua saya juga sedang bersedih sebab ni la raya pertama tanpa arwah nenek. I think yang excited maybe Adam la..haha..sibuk dengan shopping baju dia nak raya sampailah dia nk pergi sembahang raya (keep on reminding me that!!) dan hubby (sebab tak perlu bersedih diperantauan makan ubi kayu ganti lemang dan rendang..gehgehgeh).

Spag is his all time fav. Nasi sangat susah nak telan..susah tekak western ni.

I had bought Adam's clothes earlier (first week of Ramadhan I think) and Tok is finalizing his Baju Melayu. By right, preparation for him should had completed. But when I tried his pants again today before I wash it for him to wear on Hari Raya...to my surprise and dismay, the pants seem to shrink!!!!That was the pants I bought only last week!! And here I thought he is not growing since he is very choosy when it comes to food. So, again, we have to hunt for his pants today (and since it is week before Raya, what choice do we have left?). I can't just wait until daddy comes back since we have to shop for daddy's things too and mommy's.
So he has, like..5 pants altogether now? Daddy,please don't be mad as we are spending your money outrageously but I am certain you know how it is to shop with Adam on tow and with Ain and me only to handle him and the shopping. We have to choose the easiest shop to go and the first that came to sight. No matter what brand right?
So although I applied the tips of buying clothes for growing up kids..Adam's still outgrown his. Not to mention shoes..(owh..headache!!). Now he is wearing a 4-5 years old kid's pants and shirt, depending on the brand. I guess when he is 5 year old, maybe he'll be wearing 6-7 year old kid's pants and shirt la??
Well okay..I'm not complaining (alhamdulillah for his growth although he seems to be eating next to nothing) but is amaze at his growth spurt..He is not getting any chubbier but you can bet getting higher each day. My little Adam is not so little anymore.

It's contagious..the merriment, the upbeat feelings, the whole excitement of celebrating Eid Mubarrak soon. Muslims and Non Muslims alike, are busy with shopping. The shopping complexes are abuzz with the spirit (income) of Eid Mubarrak. Here and there we could always find something that associate with the celebration. Radio stations are also contributing the excitement by playing the Raya songs. You can't tune to the channels not wishing to hear Raya song...unless you choose other non mainstream channels la.

Maybe I'm excited over something totally non related with Raya. How come? It comes when I have to work during Hari Raya and the second Hari Raya as well. So, those who are staying overseas and also have to work during the Eid..well, I'm in Malaysia and I also have to work on that days. It doesn't matter of where you are right? But the responsibility come first. If I have to work on that particular days, so be it then.

I'm just lucky, my In Laws are from Selangor so I could still celebrate it after work...okay..those staying overseas, I take back my word since I still have families around here so we are not alone and wetting each other shoulders while listening to the takbir.

I'm excited over hubby's arrival. Soon...very soon. Adam wakes up everyday asking to go to the airport to fetch daddy and I have to go over the routine of counting my fingers with him, sometimes at 2 am. Luckily the counting is very short and he is asleep by the time I finished counting.

Of course, Raya or not, everyday's life must keep on moving. Business, transaction, services and every single aspects of life must go on. So, those who are on leave to celebrate it, should feel lucky to get the opportunity while others who are left behind continue doing the jobs so that life is still cycling around. Appreciate those who stay behind while you are enjoying the lemangs, ketupats and whatnot.

Of course it will goes without saying, please be human with feelings while you are on the road. Drive carefully and patiently. Stop whenever you fell tired and sleepy as those are the causes of a tragedy.

I'm not going to wish Happy Eid Mubarrak just yet. Insyaallah soon but I do wish everyone a safe journey back. Happy Balik Kampung!!.

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI KEMERDEKAAN MALAYSIA YG KE 53

I would think my parents memang patriotik. Bendera Malaysia bukan setakat dipasang dibulan Merdeka aje but sepanjang tahun. Rasanya semangat tu ada kena mengena dengan pengalaman mereka yg lahir di circa 50-an. Samada they are still young or sudah berusia ketika negara kita mendapat Kemerdekaan sendiri, kehangatan semangat tu masih ada.

Saya terasa juga ingin sertai perarakan di Stadium Bukit Jalil pagi ni, bawa Adam menghayati nilai Merdeka yg diselit dalam ritual perbarisan. Mungkin orang lain punya interpretasi yg berbeza but bagi saya, apabila KKU (Kawalan Kehormatan Utama) berjalan masuk, berhenti dan berbaris menanti Pemimpin Negara, ianya satu disiplin yg melambangkan a certain degree of discipline semasa Pemimpin-pemimpin terdahulu berusaha mendapatkan kemerdekaan untuk Malaysia. Tapi, Adam, being anak zaman yg penuh kesenangan, memang susah diurus bila berada di ruang tertutup yg panas dan sesak. The second best bagi saya ialah bersila didepan tv seawal bangun sahur pagi ini untuk menonton lintas langsung dari TV3. Selalunya bila cuti, saya lebih suka tidur merehatkan badan dari berjaga menonton tv tapi I guess, sebab nak rasa juga meriahnya kita sambut merdeka..sanggup jugalah.

Jadi, for this post, saya dedikasikan untuk jerih payah golongan yg terdahulu, and also the unsung heroes and heroins yg membolehkan kita menikmati erti merdeka. Tanpa mereka, tak mungkin kita dapat menikmati kemajuan, kemerdekaan dan pembangunan hari ni.

For hubby yang jauh bertugas di bumi Congo, saya pasti dia lebih merasai betapa nikmatnya merdeka di negara kita bila berada disana.

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI KEMERDEKAAN NEGARA YG KE-53. SEMOGA KEDAMAIAN DAN KEAMANAN YG KITA KECAPI SEKARANG AKAN BERKEKALAN SELAMANYA. INSYAALLAH.

Dari ceramah Seni Keibubapaan yg saya pernah hadiri, penceramah memberitahu anak-anak yg masih lembut pemikiran dan emosinya tidak boleh diherdik, dibentak, dicaci maki dan dipanggil dengan nama panggilan yg tidak elok. Seeloknya, anak-anak yg masih kecil ini ditegur dengan nada yg tidak terlalu tinggi dan tidak terlalu rendah, tidak dengan suara yg kuat menggegar dan herdikan yg boleh merosak emosi dalamannya tetapi cukup sekadar anak tadi faham yg perbuatan yg salah tidak boleh dilakukan dan dicontohi.

Saya cuba praktikkan dalam mendidik Adam. Saya menahan baran saya demi kerana jiwa Adam yg mahu saya pelihara agar dia saya didik dengan sempurna. Tapi pagi tadi saya gagal mengawal kemarahan saya. Ingatan yg berkali-kali saya sematkan dalam otak saya gagal menahan kemarahan saya padanya. Adam saya marahi kerana 'sembunyikan' bowler hat saya didalam almari. Bukan kerana saya gagal mencarinya yg membuatkan saya marah tapi kelewatan saya ke pejabat yg menyebabkan kemarahan saya gagal dikawal.

Sayu hati saya bila melihat air mata yg bergenang dihujung matanya. Walaupun sempat saya memujuk dia dan mendengar ketawanya kembali, hakikatnya, paginya yg bermula dengan indah telah tercemar dengan kemarahan saya. Maafkan Mommy ye Adam. If only I could reverse the time, I would..even if it costs me. Hati saya sangat sedih hari ini.

Kat pejabat I pagi-pagi before we start with our work, we have tadarus session sepanjang Ramadhan ni. But then since I had been 'on permissable excuse' for quite awhile (aduhai nak ganti jenuh la), dah ter miss la banyak verses. And bila dah 'sihat' semula, pagi-pagi ada mesyuarat luar la pula. Hmmm, rugi juga la rasa kan sebab by doing it then we could check our reading. So, I have to read alone at home (when I am not too sleepy la). But I will try to join jugaklah rasanya when the work dah settle sket and hopefully there will be no meeting in the morning la lagi.

This week we are going to head back to Taiping. Since I'm working at KL makanya takde la cuti Nuzul Al-Quran like few states. Ayah offer to racun the weeds (jungle) at our house at Lumut. So, all the jungle will dissappear menjelang Raya. I'm waiting for hubby to come back to start equipting the house with electricity and few necessities. If terasa teringin nk holiday ke Lumut, at least tak payah we all sewa hotel kan. Also, segan juga le dengan jiran tepi yg jarang balik beraya ke kampung. Bila org datang beraya ke rumah dia nampak la bezanya landscape yg comel tu dengan hutan simpan kat rumah saya..wahaha. Definitely hari sabtu will be spent at Lumut, cleaning up the house. Takpelah..after raya at least boleh basuh rumah and pasangkan lampu..nampak la tak macam rumah tinggal terbiar sangat kan.

Cerita lain, cuti raya masih belum confirm. Susahnya la bila bertugas di unit. Masa di training centers memang confirm la cuti dapat seminggu...and for sem break, merasa juga la cuti walaupun tak sepanjang student. Tokwan pun dah merungut cucu yg sulung ni jarang balik kampung dah sekarang. Lain tempat kerja, lain budayanya. Terpaksa la ikut demi tugas walaupun dalam jiwa ni rasa kesal. Tokwan, Ibu dan Ayah bukan semakin muda...dan tak tahu selama mana diaorang dengan kita lagi? Saya takut nanti saya menyesal sebab kurang luangkan masa dengan mereka yg saya sayang. Hmmm...emo la pula kan.

Owh, for en hubby, baju raya saya dah amek but I will email tu you la ye...karang nanti ada yg kata saya nk menunjuk pula..wahahaha..

Bila Berdua..

...dengan Adam di rumah because my sis and her friend (who stay with us while hubby is away) are having iftar at Tropicana this evening, nak berbuka apa ye? I thought of tagging along but the buffet price for iftar is RM 75 per person and of course kid under 4 year eat for free (banyak mana pun la budak-budak nk makan kan?). Hmmm...masih berfikir-fikir lagi. If hubby is around (huhu..again) then it may be worth it but for me? Makan nasi lemak sebungkus pun tak habis...camane la nak mkan sampai berbaloi the price I got to pay tu kan? Masih lagi berkira-kira nak pergi atau tak.

Or we might order pizza and have it delivered to our door step..ngeee..tak payah la nak meredah traffic di waktu orang sibuk balik pejabat nak berbuka tu kan? Nice juga kan?

Since my migrane and gastric from yesterday masih hangat di kepala dan perut...to endure stressful journey is not adviseable. Mata dan muka masih macam chicken ball yg I masak for Adam semalam...bengkak, bulat dan hodoh...I mean my eyes and face bukan chicken ball tu.

Saya teringin makan something yg soupy, not too hot (for my gastric) and sour...like mee celup yg sedap di PD...owh, I'm not carrying by any mean. Macamana? Takkan nak drive to PD and come back for a bowl of soup noddle? Hmmm...

I'm watching Fast and Furious with bleary eyes...ngantuk dah tapi bila baring tak juga nak lelap. Adam dah conquer satu katil tu..dah siap buat satu pusingan pun. Esok another day for another week. I am hoping for a less busy and tiring week sebab ada banyak perkara that I need to concerntrate on and selesaikan.

I thought esok juga nak pergi ambil baju raya yg ditempah tu..maybe I'll post the picture for hubby's sake. If dia tak approve, ehem..suka le saya minta satu lagi..hehe.

Owh, hajat nak makan nasi briyani di JM Nasi Briyani belum tertunai. I told my sis (dia yg beria sangat nk makan sebenarnya, terus berjangkit kat I) that we have to wait until hubby sampai.

Hajatnya masa berbuka tadi la nak makan sebab we all went to Giant KD coz beli barang-barang keperluan dapur yg dah habis..tapi besar-besar kat depan kedai tu terpampang SOLD OUT..wahaha..macam jual gula pula ye.

Masa pusing-pusing cari barang, jeling-jeling juga pada bahan-bahan untuk biskut raya...tapi dah tentu la takkan siap walau satu bancuhan pun..uhuks. Tahun ni memang 100% tempah biskut raya. My mom pun dah tak larat nak menunggu membakar biskut dah. Dah adik-adik perempuan I pun balik kg sehari sebelum raya, mana sempat kan?

Me think tahun ni la persiapan paling simple sekali dalam sejarah hidup being married. Takpelah, kena berjimat..lagipun ada big plan yg perlu ongkos yg banyak nanti..so, kena la start dari sekarang...ehem, ehem.

p.s. bila renung wajah adam yg sedang tidur, rasa betapa cepat masa berlalu..dah besar anak kami...and I miss adam yg dulu..huhuhu.

I am the type yg cepat bosan dengan sesuatu yg sama..jadi saya rasa macam nk tukar je layout blog saya ni. Owh, bukan nak tukar life partner saya ye...nauzubillah dijauhkan perasaan tu. But masa tidak mengizinkan so far. Maybe after the Eid la kut. Saya tak serajin kawan-kawan yg lain ataupun adik kecik saya yg design their blogs one by one..saya hanya rajin tukar guna layout percuma sedia ada sahaja (pemalas ye).

In the previous entry saya ada cerita pasal baju raya Adam dan hubby yg dah siap sedia..hubby pakai yg last 2 years but I did pesan sepasang lagi but kena tunggu dia balik for sizing..beli yg ready made je la this year. Mine pula..dah di tempah semalam...hehe..sempat lagi. Ready made juga tapi disebabkan saya tak bawa ongkos yg cukup, jadinya saya reserve dulu la baju tu.

In this entry sebenarnya saya nak cerita my experience being 'single-with-son-because-hubby-is-away'. Tapi mukadimah dh bercampur rojak...maaflah ye.

I dah mula notice that people will look at me with certain emotion painted on their face when they see me with Adam and my sis or just Adam and me buka puasa, beli barang keperluan or even jalan-jalan. At first dulu I thought it is just a look..yelah, dah masing-masing ada mata kan and looking is absolutely normal la. Tapi yesterday was the pinaccle la..ada one family yg duduk across our table at Kenny Rogers ni memang dari awal kitaorang masuk sampai la duduk, order, makan, bawa Adam ke toilet, sampai la bayar bil...pandang dan berbisik-bisik. Yang tak tahan sampai muncung-muncung mulut si isteri ni bercerita dengan suami sambil pandang-pandang at our table. Nak kata our table manners are poor..tak la juga. Before this happened juga masa berbuka di Johnny. I think they must speculate macam-macam kan?hahaha. Nasib la.

In real life kan..ada tak orang yang tak pernah bermasalah? tak pernah dimarahi oleh sesiapa? sentiasa disayangi oleh semua orang yg kenal dan baru kenal? tak pernah ada sebab untuk marah-marah sesiapa sebab semua orang are so nice to her or him? tak pernah rasa kena two timings by others..to sum it all, orang yg ada perfect life dan kerjaya? dan tak pernah dicemburui oleh sesiapa pun.

If ada la orang yg ada life macamni..agak-agaknya apa strategy hidup dia ye? dan macamana rhyme kehidupan seharian dia?

Kadang-kadang I do wish to be this type of person tapi bila fikir sket lagi, rasa macam too good to be true..sebab apa? sebab saya sendiri rasanya belum sempurna pada tanggungjawab saya sebagai hambaNYA...

But sometimes bila kena marah disebabkan perkara 'bodoh' yg disebabkan oleh orang lain..rasa nak juga rasa jadi seperti manusia perfect ni kn? Rasa low betul bila pagi-pagi dapat 'semburan' amarah akibat orang lain yg menyampaikan berita atau maklumat yg tidak tepat pada kita. Sebab tu bila saya diberi maklumat, saya suka double check. Maksudnya, saya akan tanya sekali lagi apa maklumatnya dan dari siapa maklumat tersebut datang? Kemudian saya akan check semula dengan pihak pertama yg menyalurkan maklumat tersebut samada betul atau tak. Ada masa (seperti pagi yg malang ni la), saya tak sempat check dengan first party tentang kesahihan maklumat tersebut..jadinya, teruslah saya mengadap KS saya dengan maklumat yg diterima dari SO3 yg datang ke pejabat saya pagi-pagi menyampaikan khabar. Dan dengan maklumat tersebutlah, saya dimarahi pagi-pagi. Yang saya geram dan terkilan, saya dimarahi bukan kerana kesilapan saya tapi kesilapan SO3 tadi dalam menyampaikan maklumat yg tepat. Saya pernah menjadi SO3 sebelum menjadi SO2..dan saya sendiri akan check berulang kali tentang sesuatu sebelum saya menyampaikan pada SO2 saya. Dan sekiranya saya yg buat kesilapan...saya akan meminta maaf.

Dalam bekerja, saya rasa untuk menganiaya orang lain, adalah sangat tidak wajar... dan saya dapati budaya ni memang tak dapat dielakkan di mana-mana tempat kerja. Kenapa kita tidak bekerja dengan ikhlas tanpa niat untuk menjatuhkan orang lain????

Very early this morning, while preparing his clothes, he asked one question,

Adam: Mommy, dulu mommy buang adam dalam tong sampah tak?

I: Masyaallah, mana ada sayang...I love you so much..takkan mommy buat macam tu.Kenapa Adam cakap macam ni?

Adam: Tu baby dalam tv tu..mommy dia buang dia..mommy dia tak sayang dia ye?

I: Mungkin la..

Adam: Mommy tak buang Adam kan? (sambil kerut kening)

I: Takkan la...(and I hug him to comfort).

Aduhai anak...he was watching MHI and they talked about morning news...all the while Adam was watching and listening. And I sent him off after I make sure he understand that his presence in our live is very important and that we love him so much. Huhuhu...

Today is the 6th day of Ramadhan..alhamdulillah. Walaupun dah 'ponteng' tapi hakikatnya, saya tetap berpuasa. Sebab perasaan malu nak makan di pejabat walaupun ada lesen untuk makan dibulan puasa. Therefore bila terhidu bau nasi lemak dari pejabat sebelah (yg confirmed penghuninya semua lelaki), hati saya terdetik..hmm..ruginya la bila berpeluang berpuasa penuh tapi tak ditunaikan.

Bulan Ramadhan kali ni ada banyak beza from last year. Of course, last year we were still at PD..enjoying slow and easy life. But this year sudah menyambut di KL and without hubby tersayang pulanya. Tapi cabaran dan dugaan rasanya makin bertambah. Dengan tugas, rakan sekerja, boss dan juga fellow drivers on the road. Kadang2 dalam hati saya berkata..if pagi2 tak maki hamun driver dijalan, maybe saya akan lebih ceria dan bersemangat ditempat kerja. Saya telah mencuba dengan gigih untuk tolerate tapi makin saya tolerate..saya rasa makin kurang didikan sesetengah driver di Malaysia ni...of course di KL la since saya menetap disini.

Also, the accident rate yg naik mencanak tu bukan sebab element lain tapi kerana sikap manusia sendiri...wallahualam.

Dibulan Ramadhan ni juga kesabaran diuji...dan saya yang selalu fail bab mengurus kemarahan ni boleh rasakan yang saya sedang bekerja keras menahan nafsu amarah apabila sesuatu perkara yg menaikkan kemarahan saya berlaku. But, I'm just a human being..ada kala terlepas juga and hopefully pihak yg dimarahi tu berfikir sebelum menghukum...kenapa anda dimarahi? Adakah wajar anda dimarahi?

Anyway, I do hope, at the end of the day...to go back to my home..and to be with Adam. Penat lelah bertambah lagi bila di rumah melayan si kecil yg banyak tanya tu..but selagi terdaya, saya akan tetap melayan keletah dia. Hilang duka dan hilang lara pada yg tiada...

I have to agree that a mom will do anything to make her kid happy (daddy too if he is around, I'm sure). No matter how tired (veerrrryyyy tired in my case), sleepy and busy. Macam juggler circus Royal London (wah..nonetheless la) dah jadinya myself last few weeks. If cerita dengan orang pun surely orang geleng kepala. Well, manalah tau yang I will not given any leave after I came back from the course. Since banyak hal yg nak saya selesaikan, saya punya la berharap boss saya dapat memahami keperluan saya minta cuti...tapi menurut dia, saya lebih diperlukan untuk bekerja...masalah saya yg tak settle tu harus diletak ketepi dan diselesaikan kemudian. Hmmm...harus la saya sangat terasa hati kan? Lebih-lebih lagi semua urusan tu takkan selesai hinggalah saya sendiri yg selesaikannya...but, apa pun..pernah dulu masa saya mula-mula masuk askar, ada sorang pegawai ni ingatkan saya, life sebagai askar tak semudah yg dilihat...nampak macam tenang aje on the surface..tapi arus dibawah yg calang-calang dasyat tu..salah dayung boleh hanyut. Jadi, walaupun dalam kepala saya ni berserabut dengan macam-macam hal...saya tetap melayan jiwa anak saya di Cameron Highland. Setelah ditinggalkan mommy yg berkursus dan daddy yg bertugas jauh langkah benua, yang menghiburkan dia..yg berkongsi kasih sayang..hanya tok, tokwan, uncle dan auntie dia aje...so, saya will regret if kesibukan saya jadi halangan untuk we spend time together. The most important thing for me is the happiness and laughter from him..anak kesayangan kami. Walaupun sekejap aje tapi alhamdulillah...he enjoyed the time we had. Insyaallah when daddy comes back, we will go for extended holiday lagi.

Nota buat Hubby

The distance is so great, sometimes the connectivity and communication are impossible. Because of the time difference between the two continents, the communication is harder. The loneliness is great and the sadness is unavoidable. But our love simply follow you wherever you go and our prayer is always with you whenever you go. Don't be sad my dear hubby...think of those beautiful things we have done together when you feel you are all alone. Think of the sacrifices you had made for you to be there.

Don't be sad when you didn't get to talk to me because your voice is always in my heart. My love for you is still as great as before. Don't be sad okay sayang.

Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to wish Selamat Berpuasa dan Selamat Menjalani Ibadah di bulan yg mulia ni. For those yg bekerja, kena la maintain productivity walaupun penat menahan lapar dan dahaga (saya mengingatkan diri sendiri juga sebenarnya).

Waktu pejabat untuk sepanjang Ramdhan juga ada sedikit perubahan..in which bagus untuk golongan Isteri yg bekerja. I am not sure dengan tempat lain but we are allow to go back at 1530H everyday except on Friday je balik jam 1600. Sempat la if nak sediakan juadah berbuka sendiri. Tahun ni tahun pertama saya dan family sambut Ramadhan di KL..dan tahun di KL tanpa hubby. Rasa agak suram juga tapi saya redha. Hubby disana lebih daif menyambut Ramadhan dengan juadah berbuka yg saya yakin juga ala kadar.

Just kami waiting for hubby to come back next month...tak sabar rasanya.

Owh, our brief family trip to Cameron Highland punya entry nanti saya post ye..gambar dari camera saya belum lagi di upload kedalam laptop. Saya memang sibuk sangat kebelakangan ni..memang tak cukup kaki tangan nak handle kerja, anak, urusan seharian dan hal-hal yg datang bersama setiap hari yg dilalui. Maybe in few months semuanya akan kembali under control..harapnya la.

Hari ni I made the first step...rasa something heavy when I did that..and I never thought I could feel like what I felt this evening. A realization of, my boy dah besar rupanya...and I am letting go of him when I registered his name to the pre-school...seriously emo kan? I don't know if anyone would feel the same but itu la yg saya rasa. Masa isi form pulanya..emo masa sendiri when isi column waris yg boleh dihubungi...usually nama daddy la yg tertulis kan..but now, hanya nama mommy sorang aje...seriously my hormone is haywired.

So, next year Adam will go to school...and although I would prefer the International school yg dekat rumah, they don't have place for a 4 years old kiddie...and Smart Reader is way out of my jalan to pejabat. Lagipun, daddy punya choice Genius Aulad ni. Our intention is to instill good basis of Islamic Education for him, plus a good command of English as well as Bahasa. I made a sneak peek masa pergi ke sana tadi and yes, the teacher taught the kiddie in English..even the doa. Hopefully Adam will like his school.

And I am still bargaining with time...kepala saya penat berfikir dan saya rasa letih nak berperasaan...banyak yg saya perlu uruskan...rasa macam nk fotostate je badan ni so that boleh handle all things at one time. Dan saya kesian pula nak mengadu pada hubby...kesian if dia susah hati.

Sila abaikan eye bag yg sangat huduh itu..huhu..

Vocabulary budak dalam gambar ni dah bertambah...hehehe..you just can't win.

Hari ni dah hampir settle urusan yg tertangguh disebabkan saya berkursus. Balik Taiping weekend lepas pun banyak selesaikan urusan dibank...payment kereta (yg 2 buah tu)..nasib baik sebuah lagi dah habis bayar, payment bills...penat penat..sampaikan Ibu yg menemani saya pun mengadu penat melihat saya berkejar kesana sini. Apa nak buat kan? Anak ibu terpaksa handle tugas suami dan isteri, mommy dan daddy sekaligus sekarang ni. Just I am grateful it is only for a year...just imagine wanita yg betul-betul single mother yg buat semua tu for life?? Saya kagum.

Lagi..kain baju melayu Adam pun dah siap dibeli. Untungnya walau last minute pun, my mom yg buatkan so tak kisah sangat. Sebab baju melayu Daddy tak sempat beli (Walaupun pakcik yg selalu buatkan baju melayu hubby still terima hubby nye tempahan tak kira bape lewat pun)...I belikan warna yg sama dengan baju raya 2 tahun lepas..Daddy recycle baju la nampaknya tahun ni...takpelah, tahun depan buat yg baru ye. Pakaian Adam yg lain pun I dah siap beli..so that I don't have to wade throng of crowd masa Ramadhan nanti.

Attitude saya yg laisadical ni rasanya dah berubah kembali ke zaman single dulu. When semuanya kena handle sendiri. Bezanya tanggungjawab saya bertambah dengan Adam dlm hidup kami sekarang ni. Tak susah dengan support from family tapi sukar...banyak hal yang menyebabkan saya rasa tak sabar nak tunggu hubby balik and be with us again.

We have been together like..5++ glorious years, and yet he has issues with me watching movie without him. Bukan dia menghalang but he feels left behind..sort of la..haha. So, bila hubby called and I was at the cinema, he was like, "Owh..tengok movie tak ajak"...and my response was, "Ajak pun dapat balik ke?".

I know he is missing us, and the civilized world since dia dah terperuk kat desa ku yg terpencil di Sud Kivu tu...and nothing we could do to help him ease off his wariness...sorry my dear. I think the only thing that cheer him up is the sceduled patrol he has to do...kesian hubby saya tu.

And since my course is going to finish soon (alhamdulillah) and puasa is just around the corner..I know there are so many thing he is going to miss...especially my cooking la sebab usually I will cook (unless I'm not well) throughout Ramadhan...hehehe..perasan kejap.

But the feeling is mutual..nothing seem right without hubby. I'm not worry about how to pay the bills and whatnot but the comforting presence of him itself yg matter. The only person who could understand me, who would listen without prejudice and who would advise with the sincerest heart..as much as you miss us dear, we miss you all the same.

p.s I'm counting the day to see Adam now.