My broad shoulder to cry on..my sounding board..my pillow of comfort and steel of strength. My little angel and my little muse...mommy miss you both so much. It really hurts to be apart and tearing my soul to pieces during hard times like now. I wish my courage and strength will be helping me to go through this trying period. I love you both and I'm doing this for us..not for me alone.

Hoping to be together again...although it's like ages away :(

Do You Need A Hug?

Incik Hubby jgn sedih ye bila melihat gambar-gambar kami bersuka ria di Bukit Merah Water Park ni. Walaupun you kata Taiping akan hujan..sangkaan you meleset la sayang...yup, it did rain tapi kami decided untuk mandi-manda diwaktu pagi dimana Adam selepas itu tidur sehingga jam 8 malam kerana keletihan bermain air. Bangun pun sebab dia kata dia belum mandi and nak tengok kartun..hahaha..ada pula. tapi kembali tidur jam 10 malam. In which mommy drove back with a cramp leg (right leg yg selamanya tak okay since hari Adam lahir tu), sakit gigi yg amat sangat dan yg telah membuatkan mommy drove the car macam dilitar F1 sebab nak cepat sampai rumah. Yang juga membuatkan driver lain (lelaki) marah dengan mommy sebab mereka tak berjaya memotong kereta mommy. Sesungguhnya mommy penat, sakit gigi dan mengalami kejang kaki dan hanya berniat nak sampai cepat dirumah bukan nak tunjuk skil pemanduan yg dah sampai tahap F1 driver (Ain disebelah memegang erat tempat arm rest sebab kecut perut..hehehe).Ada banyak lagi gambar Adam bermain air dan enjoyed himself...bila rajin mommy upload okay. But the smile and happiness radiated from him beat all...walaupun Incik Hubby risau dan agak la 'bebel' tentang I penat dan keletihan nak drive balik...Adam's happiness is all that matter to me the most. Enjoy the pictures and the smile daddy!!

Am I Pregnant?

Content takde kena mengena dengan title tapi ceritanya lebih kurang about this issue la. Not really sure if the word "issue' is the right word tapi tulah jadinya..

Saya rasa saya ni type yg susah nak terasa la...dalam erti kata lain, saya selamba je if orang me- 'laser' ngan saya...sebab saya ambil pendekatan..if tak layan, taklah kemana laser tu kan? Most of the time saya diam dan saya senyum walaupun ada kala pendapat org yg bersuara tak sama dengan pendapat saya...tapi setiap orang berhak atas pendapat masing-masing kan? Lain la if orang tersebut minta pendapat saya...itu pun saya tak boleh claim yg pendapat dia tak betul..

Satu je hal yg buat hati saya mengecik dengan serta merta...bila orang bertanya kenapa tak mau tambah anak...saya tak kisah sangat if yg bertanya tu kawan rapat, yg tahu susah senang saya..dan bertanya kerana ambil berat..tapi bila yang bertanya bersungguh-sungguh macam menjaga tepi seluar saya...hmmm...saya memang rasa sket menyampah. Bila ditanya, saya jawablah belum ada rezeki lagi...Insyaallah if Allah nk bagi, ada la nanti...tau apa orang yg bertanya tu cakap? "Eh awak..sekarang ni bukan zaman nak berserah pada rezeki aje..zaman ni kita kena usaha keras..baru la dapat.." Masyaallah..tersentap saya mendengar. Takkan la kita nak menidakkan kuasa Ilahi? Memanglah saya berusaha tapi if bukan rezeki saya lagi, siapa saya nak persoalkan?

Saya tak tertekan pun selama ni dengan pertanyaan orang..yelah, yg tak tahu mesti bertanya..tapi bila dah tahu..jgn la persoalkan sampai begitu sekali...jika awak yang bertanya tu berada ditempat saya? Apa agaknya yg awak akan rasa? Fikir dulu sebelum bercakap..bukan bercakap dulu baru nak berfikir.

Who Am I On The Inside?

It's like having someone live inside me all right..haha..but kindda fun to do it...maybe I'm a superhero? (secretly)..

Okay..the first question is.. what is your favorite color?ehmmm..since my shirts and blouses (except for baju kurung) and pants are mostly in black..should I say black is my fave color? But I like blue, pink and brownish colors too? tapi kena choose one only..hmmm...crisis..

Okay..next question is, what would you do if you saw a younger kid getting picked on in a nearby playground? Haish..of course la I will beat the others to death...hehehe..kidding la..tak pasal la kan..I guess, this one sangat senang..of course we will not just ignore that kind of situation to hapen kan? Imagine if the younger kid is your own kid?hmmm...

Third question is, how do your friends describe you? Owh...pondering away...this one means I have to do another quiz of how my friends describe me la kan? Hehehe...it depends on what type of friends la juga..If it is a close friend, jawapannya maybe different from a social friends and friends yg I tak pernah jumpa (fellow bloggers and so on).Susah ni..

Next is, how would you describe yourself?...hahaha...I am a nice, good hearted, kind, beautiful, smart and brilliant...how's that?hehehe...sangat poyo ye? But I can choose only one and there are so many words I could use to describe myself..

Okay, move on to, What do you do for fun? I guess nowadays standard answer will be spending time with my family..going out with close friends and do things I love (When I have time la).

Last question: A huge midterm project that you forgot about is due tomorrow. You: Hahaha...ni tiap sem akan dihadapi ni...a last minute kind of person yang work best under pressure and trive in stressful situation..that's me..so boleh agak la my answer kan?hehehe... then, let's look at the analysed answer..jeng jeng jeng...

Jock
You love sports and tend to have a ball with you. Sometimes you can be forgetful if you have tons of practice. Just try to focus on school as you do on sports and you'll go far.

(tahan ketawa)...I don't want to be a JOCK...it is so lame and average kind of person....huhuhu...I want to be a superwoman..who can do lots of thing at one time...huhuhuhu...

p.s quiz taken from http://quizilla.teennick.com

When I look at these pictures (Adam masih di kampung with my parents), I do regret of the time yg I rugi being away from him...the precious minutes and hours of his daily routines...

Selesai mesyuarat, ada task terbaru yang perlu cawangan I handle. Nak mengeluh penat rasanya boleh la kut dengan aktiviti yg tak putus dari awal bulan. My weekend is almost non exist dengan keadaan sekarang. Walaupun ramai yg kata at least hubby saya is not around so kurang la masalah..sebenarnya tidak. Hati sikecil juga perlu dijaga. Tambah dalam tempoh nk membesar ni..makin kurang perhatian dari I...daddy of course la is away. Saya cuba untuk positif..menerima sebagai tanggungjawab 'makan gaji' dan 'askar berkhidmat regardless in what weather or terrain'. Tapi beban tanggungjawab saya sebagai mommy dan daddy ni siapa pernah ambil tahu? Anak saya terbiar kerana melaksana tugas dan tuntutan kerja....therefore, keputusan saya nak berhenti rasanya adalah paling tepat. Before terjadi perkara yg boleh menyebabkan saya menyalahkan perkhidmatan...lebih baik saya undur diri. Lets those who are strong enough to face it teruskan usaha...saya boleh kuatkan hati untuk diri sendiri tapi untuk anak..saya tak sanggup. Saya tak nak kehilangan senyum di bibir anak saya..

Am I Normal Enough To Be Me?

Are you normal? (ah well..I don't have tail sprouting from my rear end kan?..haha)But lets analyse the answer okay..

...Somewhat Abnormal (weeeeewooo...apakah?)

You do some things that are odd in the eyes of others, (ehm yeah..sometimes..admitedly yes and people will label me straight away as somewhat..pelik??) but nothing crazy, (definitely yes..normality is a bore don't you think?)and only if you enjoy it (Kita enjoyyyy..mestilah kan..what fun there is..). You spend your days doing what you love, although you could end up having a headache by the end of it.(Like what yeah??hmm...owh..ahah..) Whenever you try something new, you make sure it will stick, so that you can do it again whenever you want. (To sum it all, I'm not that absurdly pelik and abnormal la kan..hehehe...)

How Social Are you? (Even before doing it I know the answer...)

Lone Wolf
You totally love your personal space, and you prefer to have your alone time set to overdrive. You sometimes feel a bit lonely; but you get used to it. You should get some more friends, and open up a bit. Your so tense all the time and nobody likes to be around you. Open up, become the person you truly are! :)

Well, the answer almost hit home but I am not tense all the time (just ask my close friends) and they like (I guess since they still invite me for gatherings and events) to be around me. But yes, I do value my personal space...nobody get too close and I only open up to certain selected fews. Tapi ramai je yg macam tu kan?hehehe..

Okay..that's all for today's quiz...nak release beban kepala yg berat sebenarnya ni..hehehe..

Owh..the quizzes were taken from http://quizilla.teennick.com

My Little Chatter Is Away

I'm missing my little muse, my bouncing, energetic little chatter already. Between heavy schedule and fighting with flu and cough..I managed to send Adam back to his Tok's house. He had been nagging me for weeks to go back to my parents' house but I am a bit tied up with few (huhu..if only few could be the right choice of word la..) commitments over here, therefore could only promise nothing until yesterday. He..as usual is very happy to be pampered and been given full attention by my parents..sigh, sigh..nampak sangat kurang kasih sayang mommy la tu.

The actual reason will be saya outstation for a week at Putrajaya covering the Putrajaya Forum. Since takde bibik nak saya heret untuk jaga Adam while I'm working..terpaksa la saya post dia ke kampung lagi. In which dia sangat la suka terlompat-lompat.

When I come back to the empty house..aduh..jiwa kacau...selalunya ada je comment or soalan cepu emas dari anak bujang sorang tu but when it is so quiet..rasa incomplete pula. Although I'm the type yg prefer quiet and tranquil nye suasana, bila takde suara anak..sunyi!!

Memang la if selagi boleh, I would prefer to have Adam berkepit with me anywhere and everywhere...mommy mana yg tak nak camtu kan? Mommy mana yg nak tinggalkan anak..hatta tinggalkan dengan atuk neneknya sendiri kan? Tapi Adam dah biasa macamtu since I habis pantang and started working...and of course, he is a little bit different from kids yg tak pernah berenggang from their parents. Macam mana beza tu let it be la kan...but one thing for sure..dia mudah faham when I cannot bawa dia sama...I only have to tell him. No crying or tantrum...alhamdulillah. Hakikat yg saya tak boleh tipu ialah saya rasa sedih every time saya terpaksa tinggalkan Adam...cumanya saya kuatkan hati..saya mencari rezeki untuk dia.

p.s.Daddy, mata adam dah okay..luka dh sembuh..just lebam mata belum hilang..mommy gurau dengan Adam tanya apa brand eye shadow dia coz long lasting..hahaha..jahat ye mommy ni..gurau gurau bawa bahagia kan?

GROWING PAINS

When I received a phone call saying Adam injured himself by hitting a table..I was all shaken. Masya Allah..ujian apa lagi kali ni. Tarik nafas panjang-panjang and selawat, I drove back to see him. Sepanjang jalan, berdoa tak putus minta la cederanya tak serious...and trying to calm myself and drive safely Upon seeing me, terus menangis teresak-esak. I terus tested his vision an his eyes movement and tengok under the swollen lid tu takut terkena the iris and the eye ball..takut sangat...tangan saya menggeletar pegang dia dengan darah yg kept oozing out from the cut. Bila tengok dia okay and takde sign of cut dalam mata, I calmed him down and went back to office. Minggu ni saya sibuk dengan persiapan perangkaan untuk Ujian Kemahiran Menembak. Hati resah hanya Allah yg tahu...sebaik habis kerja, saya terus balik and bawa Adam to hospital. Alhamdulillah Dr said it is only external cut and no other injuries but should keep him under close observation for any sign of internal injury like vomitting, shaking and the eye ball becoming redder. So far pagi tadi nampak better..just the swollen lid dah jadi a bit bluish.

These pictures were taken before I drove him to hospital...sebab I said nak hantar gambar pada daddy, dia cooperated. Otherwise he refused flatly. I really hope Adam will get better and it is just a minor cut on the lid. I can't deal with the pressure...balik je, terus broke down in the toilet..crying my worry out. I can't let Adam see me crying, least he'll feel more sad and upset. Yeah, when you are alone..you gotta put a brave facade in front of people (maybe not necessarily) especially the kids most of the time. Though I am upset sometimes..I never cry in front of Adam. But I do talk to him and share with him of our situation so that he'll know of responsibilities.

p.s: Daddy, don't panic..we are good and okay. Insyaallah we'll go through this just fine. Only pray with us okay.

Ada banyak perkara yg buat saya rasa down but let's not talk about it...last minute before hubby balik ke Congo, sempat dia bawa I and Adam ke Aquaria KLCC. The trip was ad-hoc sebenarnya and I come to think, bila buat plan last minute sure jadi..but bila plan beria berbulan-bulan..tak menjadi pulanye.So next time jangan buat plan awal-awal la..hehe...

So, we went there and enjoyed the whole thing and we even get to see feeding session for the fishes. If you all nk tengok feeding session ni, you have to go on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday..around 2.30-3.00 pm. Masa we all went there ada few school trips so a bit crowded...but after awhile..when the crowd thinned out..it was good to slowly walk and admiring such wonderful creatures. Nak cerita banyak dah malas..so layan gambar..ada lagi dalam kamera but sangat malas (read takde masa) nak trasfer..will do later.

Adam asyik melihat diver yg memberi makan ikan jenis Arapaima. Seriously sangat besar sebab baka Amazon.

Beautiful butterflies..tapi Adam sangat geli geleman bila sampai di section insects ni..haha.

Daddy and Adam.. I love you both so much.