When I said home is not sweet home anymore...I really meant it. The house is scarily empty and etched a deep wound in my heart. Hubby presence is everywhere...in the main hall..at the kitchen where he usually cooked for us, at the dining hall where he usually eat, at the family hall where he usually watch tv and, in our bedroom where his uniform is still there..hanging..like he is away only for a night...on duty..but definitely is coming back in the morning.

But when I open my eyes in the morning...he is still not beside me.

Hubby dearest,

I know you'll be reading my blog...just to keep up with what's happening. Don't worry about me..this feeling is temporary in which I'll feel better soon. But we'll be missing you still the same.

Adam asked to talk to you when I called him and I promised him that you'll call him soon. So, as soon as you get the land line..do call him first.

But I'm grateful...that you're still around..able to sms..able to ym, skype...that you're still with us, though a continent far.

I've been neglecting my blog for awhile...and it is understandable with my limited time nowadays. With my gloomy thought and disturbed mind-but not crazy...I find writing is tediously torturing my already tired brain.

I am writing now just to kill time waiting for hubby to pick me up to go to KLIA for his flight. If you ask how am I feeling..I would say I'm numb. I do feel sad but the feeling freezed inside me. I laugh, I talk, I make fun out of silly things, I do live my life normally but I feel emptiness enveloping my whole being. I'm not worry about myself but I'm worry about Adam...I don't know what to expect when daddy is not around...

But I'm far from getting myself entangle with misery until I can't live..just because hubby is going away..we want to stop living...elok je nanti hubby bersuka ria kat sana gi jalan-jalan (hehehe)..I and Adam lak yg duk sedih-sedih.. I have number of plan bila hubby balik cuti..whether dia dapat balik or not I tanak fikir...let's worry about one thing at one time kan. If dia tak dapat balik pun I akan pergi holiday juga dengan Adam..after I finish this battle...berjaya or not belakang kira...yang penting I have attended the course and fulfilled all the requirements. I think I had done my susah hati...my serabut fikir macamana nak atur hidup bila hubby is not around but it just click that hey...I did all that before and I survived kan..so apa bezanya sekarang? Adam pun dah besar..dah tak sunyi hidup I..and my sister is living with me so I still have someone else in the house.

Actually, if you are in my shoes (if muat size 4 la), you'll feel you are roller coastering...you'll go up and down simultaneously and it does something wonderful to your weight (extra fat la) as you'll lose it..hehe. And you'll be slimmer.

My brain is suffocating with all the military terms and symbol...I NEED A BREAK..if hubby is reading this and you are wondering where in hell do I find time to do this...my answer will be..I always have time to talk about you..hahaha. In this entry I will talk about you (orang lain boleh muntah jika mahu) En Hubby...just to remind myself again of why did I ever agree to let you go abroad without us...not that I menyesal..but to remind myself why I should be happy for you.

1. Panggilan pertama pada Hubby ialah "Tuan"..hahaha..salute. Because back then he was a senior la..and I salute him every morning you..sebab selalu terserempak di car park (sebenarnya dia intai bila nampak je I turun..cepat la dia turun coz nak jumpa I..hahaha).

2. Cubaan pertama hubby ajak dating was lepas football game..ajak makan goreng pisang..unfortunately I ajak member sorang..rosak plan dia nak beramah mesra.

3. One place yg both of us takkan lupa ialah roundabout kat area Bachok...(betul ke hubby? I lupa nama tempat la). Sampai sekarang I masih ingat Honda yg terbang itu..hehehe.

4. We both love nescafe tarik kurang manis so everytime keluar lepak order mesti sama la walaupun masa tu takde apa-apa hubungan...jadi bahan usikan member2.

5. What make me appreciate him ialah dia sanggup buat apa saja...dari masa cubaan ngorat sampai la sekarang. And I can talk about everything with him...and I like it when ada masa dia dan saya tak sama pendapat..I like the routine of talking about our daily activities...and getting very honest opinion.

6. I think selama berkahwin, saya dimanja dan dibelai-belai macam kucing siam...tak pernah susah dan tak perlu bersusah payah sebab hampir kesemuanya hubby yg buat.

7. Saya cepat naik angin and cerewet..hubby sangat penyabar dan cool and simple..dia la penyejuk say dikala saya tengah 'panas'..dialah penenang jiwa saya tatkala saya sedang berduka lara.

Rasanya banyak lagi tapi nanti orang loya baca saya puji hubby saya lebih-lebih...of course ada juga kekurangan dia here and there but kebaikan dia yg banyak tu dah tutup apa juga kekurangan yg dia ada pada saya. Hubby saya adalah teman paling rapat, pakwe yg paling saya cintai dan suami yg saya sanjung...tanpa dia dalam hidup kami..is like taking away a big part of my soul. Selama masa yg ada ni saya cuba untuk kuatkan hati dan semangat saya untuk buat segalanya tanpa hubby. Saya sendiri tak tahu samada saya mampu...setelah sekian lama saya dimanja. As much as saya dan Adam tak mahu ditinggalkan...saya mahu yg terbaik untuk hubby. So, walaupun kami akan struggle at first without you hubby...I'm sure, insyaallah kekuatan itu akan datang. Ada kala perpisahan sementara tu bagus untk kasih sayang yg lebih mendalam kan? I know I'll miss you so much and Adam too...but inyaallah we'll be allright. For suami yg saya sayangi...saya rela dan saya redha abang pergi atas nama tugas..tanggungjawab kita adalah untuk negara. Insyaallah setahun datang dan pergi dengan pantas.

Saya susah hati- An honest statement coming from me. Usually jarang saya nak akui yang saya sedang susah hati..selalunya saya 'layan' je semua worries saya. But this time around rasanya too much on my plate. One after another...dugaan yg macam-macam starting dari my birthday. Saya nak susun ikut aturan which one is more important than the other pun, rasanya semua pun penting yg perlu saya risaukan.

Susah hati pertama- Saya sedang berkursus panjang di PD. Kursus yg menuntut komitmen, masa dan tenaga and also sacrifice berjauhan dengan keluarga. Dalam saya berkursus ni jugalah hubby tercinta akan fly abroad tak lama lagi. The latest news we got, he'll have to standby to fly on 20 June 10. He'll be away for a year, insyaallah. Ramai yg tanya saya, kenapa saya tak ikut aje? ambil peluang dan bercuti tanpa gaji...owh..itu akan masuk dalam part susah hati saya yg kedua. Saya resah sebabnya, semua persediaan hubby tak dapat saya buat sendiri. Dan masa untuk bersama dah semakin singkat sedangkan I'm stuck here...without him and Adam. Alangkah...

Susah hati kedua- Semester baru saya akan bermula tak lama lagi. In fact tak sempat saya habis kursus taktik ni lagi kelas saya dah bermula. Again, saya susah hati dengan pembahagian masa untuk assignment, presentations yg menggunung nanti sedangkan pada waktu yg sama saya juga akan bergelumang dengan MAP dan mengharungi 8 jam ujian bertulis setiap hari. Sebab saya tak dapat ikut hubby ialah ini tapi of course sebab utama is hubby akan berkhidmat dibawah panji-pnji PBB jadinya peluang untuk ikut sama adalah zilch. Melainkan saya juga ditugaskan ketempat yg sama dan pada waktu yg sama dengan hubby...which is a tad impossible.

Susah hati ketiga- Bila hubby fly, saya masih berkursus...jadi dimana Adam pergi?? Saya simpati dengan cabaran yg perlu dia lalui as anak tentera. In which, both of us adalah tentera. Kesian dengan sacrifice yg dia perlu buat seawal usia dia. Terpaksa kami tinggalkan dia di Taiping. I am not worried if I'm not around but I am worry when his daddy is not around. If daddy boleh balik every weekend tu ok la kan..ni nak balik pun maybe once in 4 months jela. Sungguh saya susah hati sebab daddy la best friend dia.

Susah hati keempat- Yang ni yg paling menyesakkan jiwa saya...tapi tak boleh saya luahkan for other people to read. Susah hati yg ni rasanya yg saya tak pasti macamana nak handle. Saya berdoa setiap hari agar diberikan kekuatan dan iman yg teguh untuk hadapi dugaan yg macam-macam. Supaya kesihatan saya terpelihara agar saya dapat menjaga yg lain-lain.

Hubby is on his way to see me (love you so much) and I really appreciate his thought. Dia tahu saya demam and feeling a bit down disebabkan banyak perkara...and I can't wait to see him to spill out my worries. Saya penat nak tanggung sorang diri.

Can the picture tell the story? Boleh aje la kan but many version will come out from one picture. As a picture could paint a thousand words la gayanya. This time around I'll write according to the picture.

This is when I was waiting for my turn to be pampered...memang la di pampered sangat. While waiting we were served with coffee (sebab I hanya minum coffee and the hair spa owner tu pun a coffee lover). I went to this hair saloon to get my hair styled and cut (of course) sebab style yg lama dah hilang mana dengan rambut yg dah panjang. Since tak pernah pergi any hair saloon di Taiping, we took quite a search to find a good and edible one. This one definitely bagus if only a bit expensive la kut. At Hair two Hair (nama kedainye), they offer several treatment for your hair...from hair spa to hair cut and macam-macam la. They also provide manicure..only on Tuesday and Friday. While waiting you can read magazines and whatnot la..as what hubby did to occupy his time waiting for me to finish my treatment. Magazine kat saloon tu memang 6 tumbs up (Hubby, I and my sis la..hehehe) la banyaknya and yg paling latest...bukan yg dah lunyai ye.En hubby spent his time perusing car mag la apa lagi...and several men's mags. Sila notice jam itu..hahaha..

This boy takde kena mengena dengan kisah I buat hair treatment..tapi he refused to follow us bila I ajak..wahahaha..just because ucu nak bawa dia pusing kg with scooter tokwan.


Ni kan..I dah minta dari en hubby shamelessly. En hubby kata I dh ada yg macam ni so buat apa mau beli lagi...ye..saya memang ada sling bagnye tapi saya nak this hobo style juga..hahaha. Dia tengah berkira-kira sekarang ni siapa kawannya yg berada di France..hahaha..tak kisah la kan..asal dapat. Cantik nye (for me) rasa.

Gambar saya tak boleh la...aurat..but I did scalp treatment plus apa tah treatment satu lagi to give my hair volume and softness. Hasilnya memang best (en hubby mengakui sendiri) sampai rasa macam tak nak basuh rambut sebulan..hahaha.

Tapi saya demam after potong rambut..huhuhu...

Gambar di atas diambil masa driving back to Taiping...budak baju merah tu belum mandi since we bertolak dari KL awal pagi tapi dah bergaya dengan sunglasses baru dia. Owh..ada conversation yg buat we all ketawa masa dalam perjalanan ni:

I: Eii..Adam, tengok moon tu..bulan cantik kan. (Jgn tiru perangai saya yg suka campur aduk bahasa ni)

Adam: Wow..terangnya bulan...bulan pasang lampu.

I and Hubby: Nganga and then ketawa..

Hubby: If malam bulan pasang lampu..siang macamana?

Adam: Matahari la pasang lampu...

Haha...logik la dari sudut pemahaman dia tentang siang dan malam..bulan dan matahari. Sungguh menghiburkan hati.

p.s: sila abaikan muka saya yang chubby itu kerana sekarang saya telah berjaya kuruskan badan..hahahaha..sungguh seronok.